I hope you're not disappointed but there's not going to be any bathroom humor in this blog. Wait, I take that back, there will be bathroom humor, just no poop jokes.

It's been said that you should never judge a book by its cover. I agree, but you should always judge a person, organization or business by their bathroom. Be honest, when visiting the home of friends or family you take a look around the bathroom. You take note of its cleanliness, the decor, and some daring or nosy folks, even take a peak in the medicine chest, vanity or closet. It's perfectly natural. Curiosity is one of the traits that propelled humans from their animal state to civilized beings.

Think about this, you're at a fine restaurant. The food, atmosphere, drink and service are impeccable. You excuse yourself from the table after a quick glance at the dessert menu. On the way to the facilities you ponder whether it will be creme brulee or tiramisu for the conclusion of your what has been a memorable dinning experience. As you enter the bathroom you decide upon the tiramisu, good choice, however, it will never touch your lips. Why, because the sight of the bathroom has just flushed away your appetite. Maybe it's the paper towels all over the floor, the dirty counter and sink, or the filth in and around the toilet. You return to the table, pay the check and leave. An evening that was building to a beautiful crescendo, crashed faster and harder than the Dow Jones.

It never ceases to amaze me but this scenario is repeated every minute in fine restaurants across the country. Why would an establishment take great pains to pick the best ingredients, hire the best staff and decorate to the nines and then skimp on the bathroom. To me, it's like a surgeon taking great pains to keep the operating room sterile but then he picks his nose during your surgery or sharing a hansom cab ride through Central Park with Uta Pippig.

Today I had business at Worcester City Hall and while there I felt the call of nature. I was on the third floor and asked a staff person to direct me to the nearest lavatory. They were right next to the elevators near the grand staircase. When I stepped inside I nearly $&%* my pants. The bathroom was beautiful and spotless. I was suddenly transported back in time to 1976 when I would wait for my bus in front of city hall to take me home from Worcester Central Catholic School. I dreaded having to use the City Hall facilities and would often chance it on a bumpy bus ride home to my own bathroom. The john was usually dark, dirty, smelly and inhabited by bums, junkies, perverts or all three. Can you imagine the impression a visitor would have of our fair city when they stopped in City Hall to spend a penny? How far we've come. Maybe the city was better off then, it's not important, because it would have been unfairly judged by a person who was trying to relieve themselves while knee deep in filth. The new toilets were probably the best investment this city has made in its image since they paved Main Street.

By the way, if you're ever in my house, don't look in the medicine chest. I placed an old syringe and a small bottle with a label that says "heroin" in a spot that is easily visible when the door is opened. It's very easy to tell who's looked and who hasn't.

Email Jim at jimpolito@wtag.com